How to Be Cool on a First Date
By: Theresa Oliver
By: Theresa Oliver
My son’s best friend, Adam, has been talking about a girl at his trade school that he liked. Each week, Adam excitedly comes over, telling us about this girl, whom we shall call Mary. He tells us how nice she is, that he kissed her one day, they talk each day in the lunch room, etc. But this girl is a welder, and tough, despite her beautiful exterior appearance: a slender build, long brunette hair, and blue eyes. Tonight, he came over and excitedly told us they finally had their first date.
Hence the title, “How to be Cool on a First Date.”
However, at the beginning of this date, he neglected to tell her that he is deathly afraid of spiders. Spiders, or any aratoid, sends Adam into a tizzy guaranteed to top the screams of any five-year-old little girl. I’ve seen it first hand and, believe me, it’s not pretty.
You see where this is going?
Well, first he picks her up at her house, trying to act cool despite his impending nervousness, and she asks him to come in and wait for her in the living room. Nervously, Adam follows her into the house to wait, trying to look macho. This in itself is funny, as Adam is of slight build—meaning skinny—with brunette curls and brown eyes. Shortly, Mary comes out and asks, “Adam, would you mind doing me a favor?”
Excited but trying to be cool, he looks at her and grins. “Sure! What’s up?”
“I need you to come into my bedroom,” Adam perks up with a devilish grin until she continues, “to kill a spider.”
He takes a deep breath, summoning his courage, then says, “Sure, where is it?” Pushing his fear aside, he tries to act macho for her and follows her into the bedroom.
Picking up one of her sandals, he wonders to himself what he was going to do with it, then tells himself, Be a man and suck it up. Summoning his courage, he bravely grasps the sandal in one hand, ready to brave the big bad spider, then bravely swings at the wall where it’s perched, seemingly mocking him.
But it’s a jumping spider.
No sooner had he taken a swing at it than it jumps onto his chest. Immediately, he lets out a blood-curdling scream and jumps around the room like he’s in a Zuma class screaming, “Get it off me! Get it off me! Where is it? Where is it?”
After a minute of jumping and screaming he finally comes to his senses and remembers where he is. Okay, act cool. It’s not that bad, act cool …
As he’s telling himself this, Mary is watching him with a smile on her face and calmly asks, “Why didn’t you tell me you were afraid of spiders?”
Adam quickly thinks to himself, you gotta save this, buddy, then replies, “Me? Afraid of spiders? Huh! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She grins and watches as he once again summons his courage, and ends up bravely killing the spider, regaining his image and self esteem in her eyes.
Then he takes her to Universal Studios and which ride do they go on? You got it! The Harry Potter ride! He said he was fine until they came to the room with the giant spider. He proceeds to scream in a very high-pitched voice like a five-year-old little girl as they go through the ride, but he ducks his head to the side, trying to hide it from Mary. On the ride, he caught glimpses of her, but Mary is preoccupied with the ride.
Then after the ride, she asks, “Why didn’t you tell me you were afraid of spiders?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Adam lied, again, trying to save face before this girl.
“So, then why were you screaming like a little girl?” she asked with a smile, raising an eyebrow.
“Me? Screaming?” he tries to cover, “That was the little girl on the ride beside me screaming. Not me.”
“A little girl?” Mary asked, laughing, as they walked to the next ride. “I didn’t see a little girl.”
“Yeah! The little girl that was sitting beside me! Didn’t you see her?” he quickly tried to cover.
There had been no little girl beside him.
“No, there wasn’t!” Mary said, laughing, “Because I looked.”
“Yeah!” Adam replies with a smirk. “When did you look? You just didn’t see her! It was dark in there!”
“When I leaned over onto your shoulder hoping you’d protect me from the giant spider!” Mary replied, laughing.
“Protect you from a giant, eight foot spider?” Adam replied, finally relenting, then added, “Woman, you’re on your own!”
He didn’t even know she leaned over onto his shoulder, much to his dismay.
Mary laughed, then punched his shoulder as they continued on to the next ride, Revenge of the Mummy.
You guessed it!
On Revenge of the Mummy roller coaster, you literally are raised up from your seat during the course of the ride. Adam once again resumed his little girl screams and Mary is openly laughing by this time. Adam once again tries to cover in an effort to save face in front of Mary.
Next, they went on the Hollywood Rip Ride Rocket and Terminator in 3-D. And each ride was scarier than the last. Needless to say, he gave up his cool facade about halfway through the date, but they had a wonderful time and are planning another date.
But hopefully the next one won’t be as traumatic … for Adam, at least.
**Warning: Adam’s hilarious and I’m sure will be fuel for other future blogs!